A few years ago while flying toward Boise, Idaho on V113, I heard the following:
Centurion XYZ: “Boise Approach, Centurion XYZ, 70 DME south of Boise on the 170 radial at 15,000, landing Boise.”
Boise Approach: “Centurion XYZ, you are in the middle of the Owyhee MOA. The Idaho Air National Guard is having gunnery practice today. Say intentions.”
Centurion XYZ: “Boise Approach, Centurion XYZ, can you give me a vector for the quickest way out of here?”
A vector and altitude change were given and promptly acknowledged, ending with a “Thank you.”
Nevada City, California
Descending into London on a “red eye” from the States, I was the pilot flying while my First Officer, an expatriate Brit, handled the pilot-not-flying duties.
London Control said, “We detect a British accent on your flight.”
Before my F/O could reply I depressed my mic switch and said, “Yes, our airline hired him so he could teach we Yanks how to speak proper English!”
On an approach into KRME (Griffis, Rome, NY), I was busy showing a fellow pilot how the G1000 on my new Skylane can fly a coupled approach. About five miles out on final, I realized that I had forgotten to check in with tower after the handoff from Approach. I’d entered the frequency, but never checked in.
Me: “Griffis Tower, Skylane 4839T, five miles out, RNAV 15. I think I forgot to check in.”
Tower: “Not a problem, Skylane 39T, cleared for the option.”
Me: “Cleared for the option, Skylane 39T. Sorry about that. I didn’t push the right buttons.”
Tower: “I have the same problem with my wife.”
Bob Keller (CFII)
Boonville, New York
On a Friday afternoon, flying through the LAX basin, the SOCAL airwaves were quite busy. This was a classic controller response to a less than professional pilot who stepped on the controller twice and used the inappropriate “with you” at check in.
Piper 12S: (Blocking the last half of the controller’s clearance to an American flight) “SOCAL, Piper 12S is with you at 4500.”
AA154: “American 154, SOCAL, please say again altitude at Poggi.”
Piper 12S: (Stepping on SOCAL again) “SOCAL, Piper 12S with you at 4500.”
AA154: “SOCAL was that Flight Level 230 at Poggi? You were stepped on.”
SOCAL: “American 154, affirmative, flight level 230 at Poggi. Break: Piper 12S, you are definitely not with me or you would be monitoring before breaking into my transmission. All I want from you is your full call sign and altitude after you listen up. Piper 12S, cancel flight following, frequency change approved.”
Piper 12S: “Uh, OK I guess.”
Santa Barbara, California
Flying over Kansas cruising on smooth air at FL430 while all the airliners were bouncing in light to moderate turbulence in all the flight levels under 400:
AA123: “Kansas City center, American 123. Do you know when this turbulence will smooth out?”
Kansas City Center: “On the ground at LaGuardia.”
While we were laughing, Kansas City Center asked us how the ride was. I felt bad when I had to report that it was as smooth as silk, knowing they couldn’t make it up to where we were. Actually not that bad.
Old Bridge, New Jersey
I was out of Sugar Land airport talking to Houston Departure. They always make me fly either south around most of the class B or north through the I-10 corridor. I was flying south this time, last direction given was to fly heading 170.
A few minutes later, Houston Departure tells me, “Diamond 123AB, turn right 20 degrees to heading 200.”
Me: “Uh, I can turn right 20 degrees to 190 or turn to 200, but not both.”
Houston Departure: “Diamond 123AB, just wanted to check your navigation skills. Turn to 190.”